On this day 4 years ago at 6:32pm, I sat next to my dad’s hospital bed as he took his last breath. It was a surreal moment…something that will never leave my mind. I was in complete shock, as I never expected that to happen. I will never get over that moment. It’s something that I relive in my head all of the time. And after 4 years, I still haven’t really grieved. I think I just keep it bottled up in me. It’s almost as if I’m in denial and don’t want to face the obvious reality.
There are literally times where I wonder if he’s really gone. He literally did not look like himself when he passed. According to the funeral home, we had to do a close casket because he didn’t look good enough for a viewing. So I’m literally driving myself crazy with all these thoughts in my head. I know my dad would want me to move on and be happy, but how can I fully be happy when a big piece of my heart is missing??? Grief is a beast…
And P.S. I know I said literally so many times. My dad use to tease me about that. I literally said it all the time. Lol.
There was a leak in our main bathroom a couple of weeks ago and we had to call a plumber. The first thing I said to my brother was that our dad would have been able to detect the leak and fix it himself. My dad was the go to for everything in my life. Anything that went wrong with my house or car, he was the first person I would call. I would not make a major purchase without getting his advice first. Anyway…
They say everything happens for a reason. I’m still trying to figure this one out.
Love you daddy. I literally miss you every single day. Not a day goes by that you’re not on my mind.
N A Waterman Talks About... 