Hello my Friends!
First I wanted to start off with some good news. My blood clots are gone… woohoo!!! I am so very happy about this. As you know, having blood clots are a scary thing and it really knocked me off my feet for the last four months. I am still on the xarelto and hoping my doctor will take me off of it this week. The blood thinners are not good to stay on for a long time. It can cause bruising and make you bleed uncontrollably. It definitely isn’t good for someone with fibroids and anemia. I noticed yesterday that I have 4 bruises on my leg and I have no clue how they got there. That’s the thing with being on blood thinners, you have to be extra careful because the slightest bump on something can cause bruising. I actually look like I was in a fight or something, but I can deal with it as long as the blood clots are gone.
Anyway on to the topic at hand. So I left off on page one informing you that I developed blood clots and ended up in the hospital due to excessive blood loss. So once my ob/gyn found out that I had to get blood transfusions and later iron infusions, he suggested that it was time for us to have that talk. Yes that talk… hysterectomy. Now I must first say that I have the most amazing ob/gyn. I have had 3 other doctors before meeting him and I am so very happy that I am his patient. He has done everything to help me through my fibroid and endometrial journey. With that being said, finding out that I developed blood clots and it was not due to any reason people normally get them, troubled him. My doctor performed an ultrasound and found that my fibroids had grown and thought that maybe that could have contributed to the blood clots developing.
My doctor at this point informed me that he felt the best choice is for me to get a hysterectomy. I have had 4 surgeries and the fibroids just keep returning at a rapid pace. Being on Lupron, Mirena and the birth control pill did not help at all. He is now at his wits end and out of options for me. So in his medical opinion, after the blood clots are gone, a hysterectomy needs to be scheduled. Hyster-WHAT!!! “You told me that I was still too young to get a hysterectomy and that I could have a child.”. Why is he doing this to me? He said that he knows that I want a baby, but there are other options. I can always adopt he said. Now don’t get me wrong, I am not against adoption, but for me I want a baby that I carried and gave birth to myself. I don’t mind adopting, but first I would love to have my own baby. I always say, “I want to see my big eyes staring back at me. A mini me.” I know that my health comes first and he is looking out for my best interest, but has it really come to this? My dream has always been to have a baby. I have always wanted to be a mother. I have always wanted to walk around with a big ole belly, wear maternity clothes and just glow with joy. Are you saying I have to give up that dream???
As I’m driving home, I call my mother to tell her the news. It wasn’t surprising to my mother, as it’s something she has mentioned to me before. I have been dealing with this issue for over 10 years and it has really hindered my life. My mother does no want me to sacrifice my life to have a baby. I’m her baby, she only wants the best for me. After I got off the phone with my mother, I cried all the way home. This couldn’t be my life right now. Why can’t I have a child of my own when there are women out there who can get pregnant and don’t want there babies. There are women out there who have their tubes tied because they do not want a baby. I’m not judging anyone. It’s your decision. My point is to say that there are women out there like me who desperately want to get pregnant and cannot. I never try to question God, but sometimes I just wonder why life isn’t fair…